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The 5th Annual GWAR B-Q, held at Hadad’s Lake in Richmond, Virginia on August 16, has been labeled an unequivocal success. This comes from GWAR themselves as they lounge atop the bodies of the more than 5,000 GWAR B-Q attendees, imbibing from their secret stash of Killsner GWAR Beer (which sold out at the GWAR B-Q), chain-smoking the band’s own premium limited edition CiGWARs, and dipping their massive, stinky toes into tubs of ice-cold GWATER.
GWAR’s manager, Sleazy P. Martini, was overjoyed by the event’s turnout: “Every year I tell myself there’s no way these inbred zoo animals can pull off another GWAR B-Q, and there’s no way in hell even more Bohabs will show up and fork over their life savings just for the chance to be roasted on a spit. But every year they prove me wrong, and I get to wipe my ass with a new roll of $1000 bills. The GWAR B-Q is the biggest thing in the history of meat and music, and don’t you forget it scumbags!”
GWAR B-Q broke all previous records for attendance, death count, and casualties. Every band that performed kicked so much ass that GWAR actually let them live. The lineup would go toe-to-toe with any other festival performance anywhere on any day: Body Count, Misfits, The Meatmen, Hatebreed, Iron Reagan, Kepone, Noisem, Occultist, Loincloth, The Glorious Gone, Eat the Turnbuckle, Venomous Maximus. The GWAR B-Q also had the “Crypt of Chaos,” a GWAR-themed haunted house, drunk idiots out on the lake in giant hamster balls, a “Rolling Wheels of Death Skatepark,” tattoo artists, classy ladies doing synchronized swimming, and lots and lots of bloody, delicious meat slathered in GWAR B-Q Sauce.
But of course, the main event of this and every GWAR B-Q was the jaw-dropping, eyeball-popping exhibition by the creators of the human race, our lords and masters, the Scumdogs of the Universe, GWAR! Those in attendance witnessed a blistering set that featured Slymenstra Hymen spitting giant fireballs, the Sexecutioner duking it out with Gor Gor, and the introduction of the band’s new mouthpiece — an enigmatic, old-school Scumdog known only as Blóthar! Punk-rock loudmouth Jello Biafra was thrown into the meat grinder – despite his LONG but heartfelt eulogy at the previous day’s fan memorial for GWAR’s most faithful slave, Dave Brockie. Finally, a cathartic performance of the band’s classic, “The Road Behind” summoned forth an ocean of salty tears from the sea of flaming Bohabs in attendance. All this to say…
GWAR lives! See them live on the GWAR Eternal Tour this fall!
Oderus is missing. Once the Scumdogs in GWAR finally notice this (it takes them a while to notice stuff) they will set off on a journey to find their departed brother using every resource available – including recruiting an ancient Scumdog warrior. GWAR will need the help from everyone, even the lowliest Bohab, as their enemies are plotting to take advantage of the hole in GWAR‘s ranks.
BalSac The Jaws of Death on The “GWAR Eternal Tour 2014″ and what to expect:
“Dark clouds of war and ill omen have gathered around GWAR. In our hour of greatest peril, Oderus has left us and our enemies stand poised, ready to strike while they sense weakness. But we shall no longer cower in our Antarctic stronghold, awaiting Destiny’s final blow. This Fall GWAR sets out on the most trying quest of our career. We shall scour our leader’s favorite stomping ground, North America, leaving no city unsearched, no venue unraised, and no sheep unmolested. GWAR will venture to the depths of Hell or to the very end of Time itself, and though I fear what we may encounter out there, I know that we can never return home until we have the answer we seek: ‘Where is Oderus Urungus?’”
GWAR fans have been mourning the loss of Dave Brockie, GWAR’s founder and lead singer, since March. The “GWAR Eternal Tour 2014″ gives them an opportunity to gather and share a bunch of feels as a community while experiencing the sickest band in this or any other world.
Jamison Land, Beefcake the Mighty’s personal slave and bass tech:
“Dave was our friend and anchor for as far back as anyone can remember. He’s held us together, and sometimes he drove us apart. He is our brother and we love him. Unlike a lot of prominent musicians, he was friends with all of the fans. He made GWAR fans feel special on a personal level. The fans love Dave as much as we do and ‘The GWAR Eternal Tour 2014′ is our way of getting together and sharing that love.”
The first leg of the tour will include direct support from Decapitated; the second leg will have direct support from Corrosion of Conformity. American Sharks will open all shows. The tour kicks off October 15th in Norfolk, VA and runs through December 13th in Baltimore, MD. A complete list of dates can be found below. Tickets go on sale this weekend.
Hail Oderus! Hail GWAR!
GWAR at RIOT FEST:
GWAR W/ Decapitated and American Sharks:
GWAR W/ TBA and American Sharks:
GWAR W/ Corrosion of Conformity and American Sharks:
*No American Sharks
** Havok plays on this show