25

Mar

GWAR-BQ 2015 Announced!

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gwarbq2015Poster

Come celebrate GWAR‘s 30th year of conquest on this fucking shit-hole planet at the most ear-bursting, bone-crushing, mouth-watering, belly-bursting, beer-guzzling, nut-bustingest party of this or any summer! The date is set for the 6th Annual GWAR B-Q: Saturday, August 15th at Hadad’s Lake (7900 Osborne Turnpike Richmond, VA 23231).

 

This amazing milestone in GWAR‘s torrid history – 30 fucking years! – demands more than just a one-day party. The Scumdogs have set forth a slew of satellite events to be held across Richmond over the three-day weekend of August 14th through 16th. GWAR fans will be busier and more fulfilled than during any time in their miserable existence!

Today, the official commercial for this year’s GWAR B-Q has been released.
Watch it, worship your lords and masters GWAR, share it, then watch it again!

In other GWAR news, your Lords and Masters will be travelling back in time to commemorate the 20th Anniversary of the film Empire Records, in which they had a starring role.  GWAR will make an appearance during the anniversary Celebration in Brooklyn, NY April 8th – 10th.  More details on GWAR‘s invasion of Brooklyn, NY can be seen HERE.

Finally March 23rd marked a sad anniversary in the GWAR family, as it was the one-year anniversary of founding member Dave Brockie’s (Oderus Urungus) final journey to Valhalla.  We celebrate him on this day as we celebrate and worship him every day.  Hail Oderus!

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LdMzQi

GWAR ETERNAL TOUR Going on Now!

For the third year in a row, your Lords and Masters GWAR return to The A.V. Club to take part in the A.V. Undercover Series. The A.V. Undercover Series features artists covering other artists’ music. GWAR’s first offering tackled the Kansas classic, “Carry on Wayward Son” – which was voted favorite performance of the year, to no surprise of GWAR. After a year of celebrating the victory, the group returned to defend the crown with its unique spin on Billy Ocean’s “Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My Car.” The result? Back-to-back favorite performance titles.

GWAR has now returned for a third time to The A.V. Club. With new Scumdog warriors Blóthar and Vulvatron by its side, GWAR takes on the Pet Shop Boys classic “West End Girls” in what is no doubt the most head scratching followed by headbanging cover yet! Kneel before your overlords and watch them go New Wave HERE. Then remember to vote early and often for GWAR because the Scumdogs command you to do so!

A.V. Club VP/Editor in Chief Josh Modell had the following to say about GWAR’s return visit:

“GWAR once again descended on The A.V. Club office unannounced, demanding to play a song. They threatened to eat our children and drink all our booze–and then made good on that threat.”

GWAR is off on a journey to find their departed brother Oderus Urungus using every resource available – including new Scumdogs Blóthar and Vulvatron. GWAR will enlist the help of even the lowliest Bohab as its enemies plot to take advantage of the hole in GWAR’s ranks. That being said, Bohabs, look at the dates below and see when it is your time to come worship the mighty GWAR!!!

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CXNoWy

Toodles, ya parasitic bohabs. It’s me, Sleazy P Martini. As you may already know, GWAR will be out on the GWAR Eternal Tour starting tonight because Thai ladyboys don’t pay for themselves. You smarter Bohabs have probably even noticed that GWAR has undergone a lineup change.

The reason for this is the absence of Oderus Urungus due to his return to space. First of all, let’s clear something up: Oderus is not dead! Nor is GWAR. Now, admittedly things will be different. For instance, with Oderus’s absence, touring expenses will be scaled back considerably as crack usage by the band will drop by over nine tons a day. To which I, the CIA and the Medellin Cartel respond with a collective: “Phew!” Now all those drug mules crossing the border can use the extra butt space for more important things such as food, water and more relatives.

Of course, there are many in the scene (code for no-talents) who say that with Oderus out of the band, GWAR should hang it up. To which I must respond: If I wanted your opinion, I would just knock you unconscious and urinate on your face. Which wouldn’t elicit much of an opinion at all – just the way I like it. You see, GWAR is a perpetual and unstoppable force. If I tried to retire them, I most certainly would end up flayed, shredded, pulled and served with coleslaw and fries to Gor-Gor. One who is a lion tamer cannot suddenly decide to stop and ask his lions to become house cats. And GWAR’s lust for human carnage cannot properly be met in semi-retirement on the talk-show circuit. So the shows must go on. And they have, starting with Riot Fest in Chicago. The GWAR Eternal Tour starts tonight in Norfolk, VA. and goes through December 13th in Baltimore, MD

Now, there are some who would say, “How can you find a lead singer as talented as Oderus Urungus?” To which I have responded by having famed archeologist Dr. Richard Leaky travel to Antarctica to dig up another immortal Scumdog. According to Dr. Dick, these furballs are stacked up in GWAR’s fortress basement like chicken pot pies four for a buck. In fact, I have already thawed out one promising prospect named Blóthar. While not as talented a singer as most primates, he’s definitely better than Justin Bieber or the entire One Direction line up.

So, in response to all you haters who would give your left nut to see GWAR finally call it quits, you can go ahead and keep your left nut and hang it from your nose-ring for another 30 years, because GWAR AIN’T GOING NOWHERE! And though you may think GWAR sucks, remember that GWAR is immortal. So, long after your lame hipster ass is in the ground being used as a luxury condo by worms, maggots and pill bugs, GWAR will still be alive, sucking forever.

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