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GWAR, the most brutal band in existence, has bolstered its ranks leading up to the GWAR Eternal Tour. The Berserker Blóthar and Vulvatron are the latest intergalactic warriors to be banished to the pathetic mudball known as Planet Earth. Blóthar; a fat, filthy, frozen space viking, will take over as GWAR’s lead vocalist. The role of the red-hot cybernetic spitfire known as Vulvatron is more mysterious…Both will feature prominently in the anticipated GWAR Eternal Tour – which promises to be the most shocking and entertaining rock show of the year! Get to know your new masters before they grind you to a bloody pulp!

Blóthar:

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Origin: The Berserker Blóthar is an ancient shape-shifting holy warrior from the planet Scumdoggia. Blóthar is known to associate with intergalactic outlaw biker gangs

Position: Doggy Style baby! A true Renaissance man; Blóthar sings, he dances, he kills things…

Features: Blóthar wears a ceremonial headdress fashioned from the gigantic antlers and pelt of a Spectral Moon Moose he killed eons ago. He carries a mighty battle axe, an impenetrable shield, and for some reason has grown a set of hideous space udders

Hobbies: Ice fishing and ritual murder

Quote: “I went into a trance of blinding rage. I must have killed a million space apes. I was sleeping it off, and I woke up with a piss boner. I figure, why waste it, you know? So I’m rubbing one out, and the next thing I know, I’m on stage with GWAR in front of thousands of hideous, acne-ridden teenaged humanoids. I was promised there would be wifi, but it’s hit or miss….”

Vulvatron:

Size: Genetically engineered to the optimum proportions for a female of her species

Origin: Vulvatron has returned from the year 69000, where she was a high-ranking Scumdog assassin in the battle against futuro-fascist forces. Her primary functions include mastery of the arts of war, quantum mechanics, and intergalactic musicology

Position: Head Bitch In Charge

Features: Shock-white dreadlocks, high-tech armor, cybernetic implants, boob spew, prominent posterior

Hobbies: Adapting her superior technology and sexual prowess to the present day, perfecting the chemical formula for Vulvoline – her line of signature drag-racing motor oils, hot yoga

Quote: “I have summoned Planck quantities of energy to navigate the fabric of space-time back to this primitive era on Earth. I believe our wormhole might have slightly malfunctioned upon my arrival, also ushering in a primeval creature from a far earlier era, vaguely resembling a Moon Moose. I shall have to report this anomaly to maintenance. My mission is to alter the current path of GWAR so that they might prevent the darkest period in the history of the Universe! I have calculated an optimum plan of action to achieve…Hey! Quit staring at my tits!”

See the Berserker Blóthar, Vulvatron and the rest of GWAR as they embark upon the GWAR Eternal Tour and search for Oderus Urungus!

Photos by Laurie Fanelli

GWAR W/ Decapitated and American Sharks:
10/15: Norfolk, VA @ The Norva
10/16: Sayreville, NJ @ Starland Ballroom
10/17: Stroudsburg, PA @ Sherman Theater
10/18: Worcester, MA @ The Palladium – “Rock and Shock Festival”
10/19: Buffalo, NY @ The Town Ballroom
10/21: Louisville, KY @ Expo Five****
10/22: Memphis, TN @ New Daisy Theater
10/23: Dallas, TX @ Gas Monkey Live
10/24: New Orleans, LA @ House of Blues
10/25: Austin, TX @ Emo’s – “Housecore Horror Film Festival*
10/26: Houston, TX @ Warehouse Live
10/28: Oklahoma City, OK @ Diamond Ballroom
10/29: Sauget, IL @ Pop’s Nightclub
10/30: Lawrence, KS @ Granada Theater
10/31: Denver, CO @ The Summit Music Hall**
11/1: Albuquerque, NM @ Sunshine Theater
11/2: Tempe, AZ @ The Marquee
11/3: Santa Ana, CA @ The Observatory
11/4: Reno, NV @ Knitting Factory Concert House
11/5: San Francisco, CA @ The Regency Ballroom
11/6: Hollywood, CA @ House of Blues
11/7: Las Vegas, NV @ Hard Rock Live
11/8: Magna, UT @ The Great Salt Air
11/10: Boise, ID @ Knitting Factory Concert House
11/11: Portland, OR @ Roseland Theater
11/12: Seattle, WA @ Showbox SODO

GWAR W/ TBA and American Sharks:
11/14: Vancouver, BC and Commodore Ballroom

GWAR W/ Corrosion of Conformity and American Sharks:
11/15: Spokane, WA @ Knitting Factory Concert House
11/16: Calgary, AB @ MacEwan Hall Ballroom
11/17: Edmonton, AB @ Union Hall
11/19: Fargo, ND @ The Venue
11/20: Minneapolis, MN @ Skyway Theater
11/21: Milwaukee, WI @ The Rave
11/22: Detroit, MI @ Harpo’s
11/23: Grand Rapids, MI @ The Intersection***
11/25: Indianapolis, IN @ The Vogue
11/26: Cleveland, OH @ House of Blues
11/28: Charlotte, NC @ Tremont Music Hall
11/29: Philadelphia, PA @ Electric Factory
11/30: New York, NY @ Irving Plaza
12/2: Nashville, TN @ Exit/In
12/3: Asheville, NC @ The Orange Peel
12/4: Pensacola, FL @ Vinyl Music Hall
12/5: Orlando, FL @ Firestone Live
12/6: Atlanta, GA @ The Masquerade
12/7: Columbus, OH @ Newport Music Hall
12/8: Millvale, PA @ Mr. Smalls Theater
12/9: Toronto, ON @ Opera House
12/10: Montreal, QC @ Virgin Mobile Corona Theater
12/11: Clifton Park, NY @ Upstate Concert Hall
12/12: New Haven, CT @ Toad’s Place
12/13: Baltimore, MD @ Baltimore Sound Stage

*No American Sharks
** Havok plays on this show
*** The Meatmen play on this show
**** Huntress plays on this show

 

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10

Sep

GWAR @Riot Fest Chicago Sept 12th

News // No Comments

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BUY TICKETS!
http://riotfest.org/chicago/tickets/
 
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Instagram: www.instagram.com/riot_fest
Hash Tag: #riotfest

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The 5th Annual GWAR B-Q, held at Hadad’s Lake in Richmond, Virginia

The 5th Annual GWAR B-Q, held at Hadad’s Lake in Richmond, Virginia on August 16, has been labeled an unequivocal success. This comes from GWAR themselves as they lounge atop the bodies of the more than 5,000 GWAR B-Q attendees, imbibing from their secret stash of Killsner GWAR Beer (which sold out at the GWAR B-Q), chain-smoking the band’s own premium limited edition CiGWARs, and dipping their massive, stinky toes into tubs of ice-cold GWATER.

GWAR’s manager, Sleazy P. Martini, was overjoyed by the event’s turnout: “Every year I tell myself there’s no way these inbred zoo animals can pull off another GWAR B-Q, and there’s no way in hell even more Bohabs will show up and fork over their life savings just for the chance to be roasted on a spit. But every year they prove me wrong, and I get to wipe my ass with a new roll of $1000 bills. The GWAR B-Q is the biggest thing in the history of meat and music, and don’t you forget it scumbags!”

GWAR B-Q broke all previous records for attendance, death count, and casualties. Every band that performed kicked so much ass that GWAR actually let them live. The lineup would go toe-to-toe with any other festival performance anywhere on any day: Body Count, Misfits, The Meatmen, Hatebreed, Iron Reagan, Kepone, Noisem, Occultist, Loincloth, The Glorious Gone, Eat the Turnbuckle, Venomous Maximus. The GWAR B-Q also had the “Crypt of Chaos,” a GWAR-themed haunted house, drunk idiots out on the lake in giant hamster balls, a “Rolling Wheels of Death Skatepark,” tattoo artists, classy ladies doing synchronized swimming, and lots and lots of bloody, delicious meat slathered in GWAR B-Q Sauce.

But of course, the main event of this and every GWAR B-Q was the jaw-dropping, eyeball-popping exhibition by the creators of the human race, our lords and masters, the Scumdogs of the Universe, GWAR! Those in attendance witnessed a blistering set that featured Slymenstra Hymen spitting giant fireballs, the Sexecutioner duking it out with Gor Gor, and the introduction of the band’s new mouthpiece — an enigmatic, old-school Scumdog known only as Blóthar! Punk-rock loudmouth Jello Biafra was thrown into the meat grinder – despite his LONG but heartfelt eulogy at the previous day’s fan memorial for GWAR’s most faithful slave, Dave Brockie. Finally, a cathartic performance of the band’s classic, “The Road Behind” summoned forth an ocean of salty tears from the sea of flaming Bohabs in attendance. All this to say…

GWAR lives! See them live on the GWAR Eternal Tour this fall!

Hail Oderus!
Hail Flattus!
Hail GWAR!!!

 

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